Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm eating all of the evidence.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
