his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
