I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
