Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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