so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
