i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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