just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
