i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
no more duck duck goose at the bar
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
