if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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