It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
