i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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