He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
