All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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