there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
