I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
