Got a toothbrush?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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