my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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