I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
