she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
