is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
