This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
No subtext here. People are naked.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
