I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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