Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
