Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
