can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
