and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
