I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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