he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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