I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
