Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
