my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
