i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
