i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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