Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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