I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Even the bartender felt bad for me
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
