I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
