The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
