Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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