She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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