Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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