you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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