your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
This couple is walking their pig around campus
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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