He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
