we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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