I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
