we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
