So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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