All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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