Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
