I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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