She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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